OUR "RIGOROUS" TRAINING PROGRAM

Welcome to the GuardLite Training Academy—Where Excellence is Optional

At GuardLite Security, we believe in the power of minimal effort. Our training program is designed to ensure that our guards are perfectly prepared to handle... well, not much.

Core Curriculum:

• Nap Time Management: Learn the fine art of timing your naps between those rare moments when you might actually need to do something. Our expert instructors (who are also excellent sleepers) will guide you on how to look vigilant while catching some Z's.

• Advanced Phone Scrolling: A critical skill for every GuardLite guard, this course teaches you how to scroll through social media feeds without missing a beat—or whatever it is you're supposed to be watching.

• Creative Loitering: Discover innovative ways to stand around. From leaning against walls to the subtle art of slow walking, we cover it all. After this course, you'll be able to loiter like a pro, making it seem like you're busy doing something important.

• Excuse Engineering: Occasionally, someone might ask what you’re doing. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. This workshop focuses on crafting believable excuses for why you haven’t moved for the last hour.

Electives Include:

• Selective Hearing Development: Tune in to what matters (like lunch breaks and end of shift), and tune out everything else. It's about focusing on what truly matters—at least to you.

• Uniform Mismanagement: A critical skill for maintaining the GuardLite standard. Learn how to wear your uniform in a way that screams "I just threw this on." Wrinkles? Misalignment? Yes, that’s part of the syllabus.

Graduation: Don’t worry about a final exam; we wouldn’t want to stress you out. If you make it through the training without completely falling asleep, you’re ready to join the ranks of GuardLite Security – almost ready, anyway.

Join Us: If you’re looking for a career that won’t get in the way of your personal life (or your nap schedule), GuardLite Security is the place for you. Apply today, and start your path to becoming a master of minimal security.